Ways of Dealing With the Meaningless Void of Existence

• adopt a fun, cheerful tone and utilise it enthusiastically in everything you write and say, especially those things that have to do with consumerism, business and your personal brand. Do not let this tone falter, even at times when it seems to become about as effortless to keep up as the pretence that you actually enjoy visiting your relatives over the holidays. Stick to your strained positivity through all that may befall you, and in time you will come to accept and enjoy your own perfection just as those around you have been forced to do.

• buy many, many things. There is always a sale somewhere, though nothing truly meaningful ever went on sale. The real important things in life are couture.

• don't do tomorrow what you can forget today through meaningless sex and power shopping.

• never leave the house without a thick protective layer of almost believable lies about who you are and why you do the things you do, such as "I drink 11 cups of coffee every day because I am an effective and motivated person who wishes to do my utmost best for this company (not because I find that I am unable to feel passionate or energized about anything I do no matter how much or what I drink)." Be careful not to come off as too believable as no one trusts a truly honest person.

• to sell anything to anyone you have to be able to first sell it to yourself.

• the best lies aren't lies at all, anymore, therefore, avoid questioning yourself and your beliefs at all costs.