tirsdag den 29. september 2015

Weighed down and heavy non sinking object of obscurity

I have been trying to escape the world. Awake, and dreaming I see myself floating face up in ice cold water like Ophelia, waiting for a death that is settling in my bones already, but still with feverish cheeks. Green branches and water lilies. Seaweed or rope tightening around this tender shameful neck. Lustfully giving up and setting free and rising, red moon, into darkness.

That isn't really how it works, is it? You can't just let go of responsibilities and take a break, there is no pause button, you can press to give you time for a bathroom break and a light snack. It in its entirety just keeps going straight to next level, no game over, no walkthroughs, constant supervision from the totalitarian state?

Delete facebook. Stop answering your phone. Get a new job, one that doesn't demand much, so you can focus on what you are underneath. What's left. Drown your sorrows in heavy drinking every night. Moments and moaning - do you want quality or quantity? I want sleep. Opiates. And not to get up in the morning. Long showers make up my life.

Whisper only, please, in possibly beautiful places surrounded by fog, carrying books over bridges.